THEIR HOME
The Clergy’s home is a component of the church in which he serves. The church where he serves cannot flourish as expected unless his home is in order. The wellbeing of a Clergy’s home therefore is very important. Analyzing the benefits of the Church and home cooperation, the Evangelical Training Association in their book Church Ministries- More than Sunday school said, “the home strengthens the Church’s ministry by broadening its base of operation and reinforcing its teaching in the home” they went further to say, “the basic focus of both the church and the home is the individual believer who benefits directly as the home models and encourages church teaching” (ETA 1975, 13). The above position is more important in the researcher’s understanding to the home of clergies than other bible believing Christian. Hence, Ven. J.D.Odigbo addressing the role of the Priest wife in his Ordination retreat handout said“… she should make her own house an exemplary Christian home… this is of course the most important of her task”. (Odigbo 2003, 45). Odigbo is not alone in this position; Parker Maxey has gone as far as calling the Pastors wife as “the Queen of the parsonage and if she is all she ought to be, the problems of that home are solved, or will be solved…,” (Maxey 1987,104) still in the same direction, Lami Gotom, said:Home, for the pastor’s wife is the first parish and the starting point of her ministry. The members of her family are the immediate congregation where proper pastoral work begins. The first responsibility of the Pastor’s wife is, therefore, in the home. Her home is the most important place where her ministry begins. It is her primary duty to make the home what it ought to be. It is in the home that she shows the evidence of her calling, just as her husband does in the church, (Gotom 2009, 92).
The realization of the above position (a good home) can not be achieved by the Pastor who is out there; busy with not only the work of the ministry but also“… working to provide for us-the family” (Lou and Toni 1975, 68). The researcher, to this end has understood the fact that, Pastor’s wife at home has the role of modeling her home in accordance with all that is expected of a pastor’s house just as her husband does in the church.
Bringing the activities that permeate the pastors’ homes more closely, Lami Gotom, has also said, “The role of a pastor’s wife in her home is likened to that of the New Testament. The New Testament women in resident ministry owned houses and took care of these houses. Taking care of a house includes the entire domestic work; cooking, taking care of the children and their husbands”. The author went on to say:
Most of the women in resident ministry in the New Testament open their homes and attended to Christians believers there” She cited examples of Lois the grandmother of Timothy, and Eunice his mother who trained and brought him up in the Christian faith; Mary and Martha the sisters of Lazarus in John 11. They opened their home to Jesus and the disciples. (Gotom 2009, 85-86).
The researcher agrees with the author and as such sees the role of the pastor’s wife as a home maker who makes sure that every body within her house hold; her husband, children, members of the church and visitors, are satisfied. The researcher is not alone in this position; explaining the role of the wife as the homemaker in his booklet titled, Building the Christian Homes Mark Roth writes:
When the weather becomes harsh, the house we live in provides us with refuge Between its walls we are peaceful and protected…. That is the way our home should be, both emotionally and spiritually…. The home that functions well provides security, acceptance, understanding, stability, and love to every member of the family-father, mother, and children. The wife that fulfils God’s plan for her builds her home”. (Roth, 2009, 62).
The researcher is more convinced by the above quotation that, the role of the pastor’s wives in her home, is that of a homemaker. If she does other wise, that is, plunder it according to Proverb 14:1b, the researcher is of the opinion that, the church where the husband serves is negatively going to be affected. This is because, according to John A. Onwuka in his book, the true Minister of God Said, “… who a pastor marries has a direct influence on the pastor’s life and future ministry” (Onwuka 2005, 73). If the minister’s home is not in good shape, because of the wife at home, it is not only the ministry that will be affected this time but also his life will be affected. But before this could come to play, Justice James Ogebe has recognized the fact that, the wife must honours her womanhood and appreciates the home her husband has provided for her. Knowing fully well that, the husband may not be able to give her many luxuries as her father had given her when she was still single. He puts it this way:
It takes time for a husband to earn enough to buy all the things you might desire in your home…. Don’t let anyone make you think that your husband is not supplying all that you need in the home or that you are suffering because you married him…keep your home clean and neat…commit your ways unto the Lord, your children unto the Lord, and your husband unto the Lord. Praying and sharing scripture together can help make a happy, and meaningful life…be sure you are clean and well dressed when he comes home. Greet him with a salute or hug. Show an interest in his work and encourage him. A wife ought to desire the very best God has for her to be her husband and reverence your husband, venerate him, love him, and admire him… (Ogebe 2004, 26-27).
The scope of this long essay at this time has to be brought back to mind ‘ Lokoja area’ this is a place where some pastors are posted to interior area where there is no electricity and of the some churches in most a times can not provide Generating plant; if they do, they may not be able to fuel it always. The pastors live in a mud parsonage and could hardly change their ropes (wares) ones in three years; no motorable road to some locations as some are in the hills and mountains; and others on the bank of the river. To crown it all, the monthly stipence of even a graduate is still within the range of $126; less than N20, 000 per month. The researcher is strongly convinced that, a woman who is married to a pastor or intending to marry a pastor in this area and wants to fulfill her call as a pastor’s wife must adhere to the above position as noted by Justice Ogebe James; and with Paul’s admonition as recorded in 1 Timothy 6:6, “there is great gain in godliness with contentment is without any doubt a sure way to having a happy home as expected of a pastor’s wife
AS A WIFE
Generally, every woman (wife) not only the pastors’ wives, were made or created out of man to be his helper. Gen. 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, it is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV). Explaining the word ‘alone’, Emilie Dana Bruell in her book Woman Crown for man said:
The word alone carries the sense of separate, isolated. … God made woman to deal with and be a remedy for man’s passivity towards Him and with his aloness and all that it implies: selfishness, loneliness, self-confidence (as opposed to confidence in God)- even the negative self-confidence which causes one to withdraw further one self- and also with all the bad aspects of ego, with pride itself…(Bruell 1990, 29).
This is why the Nigeria Covenant said, “She came into man’s life because God saw that, alone, man was unlikely to function effectively. He therefore, chose for him a helper compatible with him” they continue, “A wife is to help her husband by first being herself in the Lord.”(Ozodo 2001, 22, 23).
The researcher agrees with the author and has learnt that, without women (wives); men would have not only lived below the purpose of God creating them but would have lost it completely. Drawing from Pro. 18:22, Gbile Akani is of the opinion that, “As a matter of fact, the wife is a good thing that a man obtains not by human labour or effort. She is a favour, a divine help that a man obtains from the Lord. She is a help specifically designed by God to fit into her husband’s life…she is help meet for the man.” Explaining what the responsibility of a helper is? He went further to say, “A helper is some one who is useful to somebody. She is someone who assists another person and makes it easier for the person to do a work”. He did not stop here, rather explain the fact that, “…there is a work to be done for which a man needs help.” (Gbile 2001, 61).
The researcher as drawn the fact that, “there is a work to be done for which a man needs a help”; and in the context of this long essay, it is the work of the ministry. This, by implication calls for a serious attention on the part of the wife who should also know that, she too not only the husband, has a call to be a helper. Hence, John A Onwuka Said, “ The Pastor’s wife is a lady who is legitimately married to a called man of God, and by the virtue of that marriage has not only been joined to the man as a lifetime partner, but is divinely called to partake in the ministry of the Pastor” (Onwuka 2005,75). Explaining the role of Elizabeth, the priest wife, Felicia Kaneng Gyang in her book Women who walked with God said “wives of priests were expected to be of a noble character as stipulated in the Law of Moses. This was because; they could defile their husbands and their ministries…” she went on to cited the warning given to the priest concerning the type of women they must married; “ they must not marry women defiled, prostitution and divorced from their husbands, because priests are holy to their God. (Leviticus 21:7); (Gyang 1999, 123-124). The researcher agrees with author and as such has learnt that, the spiritual life of the priest wife is very important. Hence, Sade Akani has said, “ the spirituality of the man (pastor ) is only enhanced and sustained by the spirituality of woman (wife)… no man can go far, if the wife of his youth is left to herself or she becomes a descendant and disciple of woman like Jezebel” (Akani 2010,96). One thing that must not be forgotten by the pastors’ wives is the role of prayer for her husband. Augustine C. Izuako in his book Practical Experiences of a Clergy man and Christian Practices said,
“Devil is a person of mighty cunning. He is at the ways of every Christian; seeking to hurt his influence for Christ the bible refers to him as roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (1Peter 5:8). He delights to bring alluring temptations before the children of God, and then he rejoices when we fall. We must pray against him…”(Izuako 2008,60)
In a related development, Ndubueze O. Oti said “the devil knows the power of a Christian home in promoting godliness. That is why he is poised to attack and destroy Christian home.” It is therefore, “part of parents’ responsibilities to fight back and ask the Devil to leave their children alone.” The researcher was delighted to see the author making reference to women in prayer of this nature; he puts it this way, “women are made with the strength of a lion when it comes to fighting to recue their husbands or children from danger. The researcher is convinced with the above position that, one of the roles of the pastors’ wives is to pray for their husbands and Children.
In addition to this, Stormie Amartian, has pointed out that, men including Pastors in my understanding, hurts their wife which by implication calls for prayer instead of talking; she said “ a husband can hurt your feeling, be inconsiderate, uncaring, abusive. Irritating, negligent. He can say or do things that pierce your heart like silver. And every time you star to pray for him, you find the sliver feasting. It is obvious you can’t give yourself to prying the way God wants you to until you are rid of it.” (Stormie 2006, 16). The above position has made it clear that, the prayer of the pastor’s wife is first for herself so as to over comes the internal problem which leads to fighting in some pastor’s house. In times such as this (misunderstanding) she said “shut up and pray… there are times for everything, there is a time to pray and there is a time to speak and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two…any thing we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so its best to, well, shut up and pray” (Stormie 2006, 35).
As to what to pray for, she said, “In trials… wife prayers for her husband during this time may not only change some of the things he must go through. But, prayer can help him maintain a positive out look of gratitude, hope, patience, and peace in the mist of it, and keep him from reaping the penalty of a wrong response” (Stormie 2006, 35)
She continues:
If your husband didn’t have praying parents, you can step in the gad. You can pray for his eyes to be opened to see what God wants him to do, and where God is leading… your prayer can help him feel appreciated and encouraged enough to recognize that the has worth no matter what he does…you can assured him that God has equally gifted him with gift ability and talent and has something good ahead for him… then pray for God to reveal it and open a door of opportunity which no man can shut.. Your prayers can pave way for him.. even if your husband already has a successful carrier, it is still good to pray that he is where God wants him to be and that everything will continue to go smoothly….pray for his work..Finances…, sexuality… affection…, temperament…,(Stomie 2006,35).
Other areas includes ; temptation, mind, fears, purpose, choice, health, protection, trials, integrity, reputations , priority, relationships ,fatherhood, past, attitude , marriage ,emotions, walk, talk, repentance, deliverance, obedience, self-image, faith, future,(Stormie 55-56).
To this end, it is clear to researcher that, the success of the pastors spiritually depend largely on how much their wives can pray for them
Buttressing this point, Mark Roth in his booklet Building Christian Homes
I. To be his helpmeet is to be submissive-
EPHESIANS 5:22: "Wife, be in subjection to your own husband" applies to all wives. The children, as well as the church must see the wife submitting to her husband, for this attitude will carry over to the church. A pastor-husband, who has his wife's respect for his God-given authority and leadership, will have the confidence to lead his family and the church. Should the wife have any position or ministry in the church, it will be as a result of her submission to her husband's leadership.
II. to be a helpmeet is to be his faithful supporter
Every pastor has goals and ideals. A pastor should always be sure of positive vote from his wife. He should know he is never alone in success or failure. The pastor's wife is always under observation. Her support for her husband's ministry will be a positive contribution towards the building of the congregation's confidence in the leadership of the pastor.
III. to be a helpmeet is to share his vision
Every man has visions and cherished dreams. Very often he may not be able to share this with anyone, not even his congregation, as the timing may not be right. However, if he has an understanding wife and has spiritual perception, he is able to share his visions and dreams first with his wife, and then together they can pray and work towards reaching their goals. To share his vision is to grow with him in the ministry. It is the wife's responsibility to train herself to enlarge her vision, expanding herself concurrently with the growth of the church and the growth of her husband's ministry. With growth comes changes, so be willing to accommodate changes. Be flexible and be willing to explore new avenues of ministry.
IV. to be his helpmeet is to communicate to your pastor-husband
The pastor's wife is the only church member who has stayed with him from the very beginning. She heard his first sermon and possibly may be there when he preaches his last. Her opinion and criticism are of great value, and any wise husband will take heed to his wife's constructive comments.
V. to be a helpmeet is to avail yourself to him always
He is a V.I.P. (very important person) on your list and the wife must schedule her programs according to her husband's schedule. Being the wife of a very busy pastor, I have learned that whenever my husband finds extra time for family activities and get-togethers, I make sure that I am available, except if it coincides with some very important previous engagement that cannot be rescheduled. I have found that it is worth every effort you have to make.
VI. to be a helpmeet is to make sure he has a comfortable home
Comfortable means to your husband's enjoyment. It is a place he looks forward to coming back to at the end of a tiring day, or a long trip. The atmosphere is clean and restful. There is open communication between family members. There is laughter and play, as well as prayer and praise.
VII. to be a helpmeet is to accept him as he is
Allow your husband to expand, to change as God leads him, and be patient with his habits and faults. Be his friend, his companion, his confidante, his lover and his greatest admirer. Be there when he needs you, and at the same time allow for lots of space and room for him to be himself.
VIII. to be a helpmeet is to be his prayer partner
This is the last point, but certainly not least in importance. What great assurance a pastor has when he has a wife who knows how to pray and get a hold of God. She prays for him and his ministry. She prays for the children, she prays through a problem or a crisis. She draws her strength not from his love alone, but from God. Her life and dedication to her husband and his ministry is established in God and her faithfulness is first to God. This is pleasing to the Heavenly Father. In so doing, it will definitely please the husband as well. In giving, you will always receive. This is God's law of sowing and reaping, and it works in marriage as well. As a helpmeet gives of herself, she receives love and honour in great measure (www.cai.org/bible)
This order of submission which was given by God to all wives not only the Pastors wives was given for the interest of peace, joy, trust, and security to both the wife and the husband. In a related development, Larry Christenson in his book The Christian family said “
To be submissive means to yield humble and intelligent obedience to an ordained power or authority.” The example He gave is that of the church being submissive to the rule of Christ. “Far from being degrading, this is the church’s glory! God did not give this law of wives being submissive to their husbands because He had a grudge against women; on the contrary, He established this order for the protection of women and the harmony of the home. He means for a woman to be sheltered from many of the rough encounters of life”
He went on to say “scripture knows nothing of a 50-50 ‘democratic marriage.’ God’s order is 100-100. The wife is 100% a wife, the husband 100% a husband” (Larry, 1980, 32-33). Wilbur, O. Donovan has put forward what the researcher sees as a buttress to what Larry Christenson said as it regards submission of wife to their own husband; he says “this order, however, doest not give the husband permission to dominate , abuse or beat his wife as king might dominate his subjects. On the contrary, the Bible teaches just the opposite.” To ensure that is obeyed by the wife, he went on to say “the husband’s leadership of the wife and family must be characterized by self-sacrificing service and self-denying love, in the same way that loves and leads the church…”(Wilbur 2000,282)
Bringing the role of pastors’ wives as closer, Lami Gotom staes:
The pastor’s wife is the pastor’s pastor…. As the pastor goes about ministering, she too needs some one to minister to him. He may look like he is close to God, he is a human being just like any other person… the pastor can be come discouraged to the point of thinking of resignation and sometimes the pressure could get to e so unbearable that he will desire to go to be with the Lord. It is at times like this when he has been weighed down that his wife’s ministry becomes more effective. “(Gotom 2009, 94).
It is therefore impossible going by the position of Gotom for the role of the pastors wife to be performed by any one else.
In another dimension, the role of the wife of the Pastor’s Wife includes Sexual Satisfaction to her husband. Parker Maxey has pointed out this aspect as one of the pitfall of ministers. He said “by the very nature of his work he is put into the presence of the opposite sex as he is called upon to minster to them in spiritual matters. Good common sense and extreme caution must be exercised.” (Maxey 1987, 96). If there are times when temptations of the opposite sex permeate the ministers of the Gospel in the researcher’s view, it is now. John A Onwuka as even gone ahead to say, “ it is not a new story to hear that some pastors being snatched away from their legitimate wives by some clever women in or out side the church” (Onwuka 2005, 86) It is on this ground the researcher considers it wise to take a look at this aspect. It must be noted at this point that, this research work is meant for the Pastors whose ministries permit Marriage for their ministers. By implication, the Rev. Fathers who practice Celibacy are out of the researchers focus. Why extreme caution must be taking by the Pastors in dealing with the opposite sex as opined by Maxey and that the ministers’ wives must be their husbands ‘watchdog as noted by John Onwuka, it is also important that, the wives satisfy their husbands sexuality as this will reduce, in the researcher’s view, the temptation of the being attracted sexually to the young ladies and the married women including the young widows in the church. There are several opinions to this position; Osborne Cecil his book title The art of Understanding your Mate said, “Real love is not adolescent infatuation or even sexual attraction, important as this is. Love is basically love of life, love of God, proper love of oneself, love of others, and expressing of this love in manifold ways. (Osborne 1973, 117). In the same vain, Ify Obiekwe (Jnr) in his book How to attract your own husband said, “…. Sex will consummate a marriage and help intimacy grow between husband and wife but that is not enough to hold a relation together and in marriage a lot of real issues are handled rather than sex.” Contrary, “sex and sexuality go beyond intercourse and childbearing. They relate with our nature and total behavior as human beings ….”( Emiola, Aderonke and others 2005,16). In a related development, Bisi Adewole puts forward in her book a letter written to a woman (Wife) by her husband:
My dear wife, I want to let you know how I feel about your sex life, and how it affects me negatively. Most of the time you complain about me becoming angry too easily, what you don’t know is that my anger most of the time is not about what got me angry, but about the way you handling our sex life…. During the last three years, I have attempted to make love to you 600 times and I succeeded only 62 times, this is an average of once in 10 times attempts… yours in love, Your hungry and neglected husband.” (Bisi 2009, 75-78).
Before this, she also recorded the response of an elderly woman in a women conference to those who said they are tired of sex with their husband; “...If you feel something is too big for you to carry alone, the best thing to do is to look for a helper to assist you.” The Old woman said the helper could be your house girl, a girl in the neighborhood, or his secretary… we don’t need a helper, we can do it our selves, we are capable.” (Bisi 2009, 18)
The researcher agrees with the above position that, the Pastor needs sexual satisfaction just as other men need it. He is a man just as other men. It does not destroy his anointing neither can it stop the woman from carrying out her own God’s giving spiritual gifts in the Church.
Rather, as she summed it up:
It brings him to a state of rest… boots his self-confidence…brings the best out of him…leads to a better Marriage,… brings him closer to wife,.. helps him in his carrier and business,…helps him to be faithful to his marriage vow,… satisfies his sexual drive,… gives him absolute joy… a sexually satisfied man is focused, he looks forward to returning home, to get the most of his wife… a sexually frustrated man has a hard time concentrating . He is prone to being edgy and finds it difficult to retain lasting goals. (Bisi 2009, 2-6).
To this end, the ministerial work requires allots of concentration and if the wife can not play her role on this aspect, the researcher has foreseen low performance ministarially on the part of such Pastor. So, it is the role of the Pastors’ wives to satisfy their husbands sexually. Failure to this could attract the assistance of the helpers- his secretaries, account clerks, counselees.
2.1.2 AS MOTHER
According to Ndubueze, “raising a family is a very delicate business” (Ndubueze 2004,29), both the father and the mother run up and down to see that all is well with the children. But the researcher was shocked to observed that, when the children are good because they where well brought up, they belong to the father; but when they are bad, they are for the mother. This is contained in Pro. 10: 1 “a wife son brings joy to father but a foolish son grief to his mother.” (NIV). The implication of this is that, if the children are bad just as one can see in many pastors’ home today, because they where not well brought up, the mothers suffer the consequences. The Message version of the bible conveys it better “Wise son, glad father; stupid son, sad mother. Prov 10:1 (MSG). It is on this note that, the researcher is of the view that, the responsibility of nurturing the children especially the pastors children lies wholly in the hands of the wife who has more time for them than the father who is busy with the ministry work. Ime Ekanem said,
A mother plays a great role in the future achievement or failure of her child. God wants every mother to be a mother of vision. God-given vision makes us believe the best in the child. As a mother, do not write off your child as a never to do well. Rather, place that child on the pedestal of greatness in your heart; your attitude towards him will change and you will see a star come out in the nearest future.(Ekanem 2008, 33-34)
He went on to mentions example of those children who were not good from the beginning but later ended up as champions both in the bible and in the contemporary times to include; Timothy in the bible, Thomas Edison, Daniel Wester, Ben Carson.( Ekanem 2008, 34)
No matter her level of spiritual gift, and involvement in the church activities she is first a mother. Jackie Buckingham as quoted by Gotom, said, “While some Pastors’ wives may serve in many areas of the ministry, her own calling is to be a mother” (Gotom 2009, 101). She must not forget that, by virtue of her husband calling, he is the keeper of other people’s vineyard and has only the wife to take care of his own. (Song of Song 1:6).
Her role therefore starts form the physical to spiritual care of the children which includes; food, health, education, security, clothing and fellowship, Social care and discipline. (Gotom 2009, 97-101). Mark Roth has taken the role of the mother to her children further to includes, Manager, Nursing, Counselor, teacher of her children. (Roth 2005:63-64).
In the spiritual real of the care of the child, Evangelist Obed Oguuike Ohuruzor in his book, evangelizing the Child said, “God has ordained two institutions, the family and the church, to evangelized the child.” The above quotation is right in the researcher’s view and in the context of this long essay, if the pastors children are not evangelized at home, they can hardly get it outside. This is because; the father is still the same man that will still go out for evangelism. And as noted ever before now, that the responsibility lies with the mother much more than the father, it is important that she starts it early with them at home before their school age when they will be far from home.
It is true according to Ndubueze that:
He (devil) makes them (children) disinterested in the things of God. He assigns them ungodly peer groups. He works to have them initiated into cults and occult groups at school …their minds are filled up with fornication and pornography and blood (murders). The devil is having a field day in the volume of destruction he is doing in the lives of our children.”(Ndubueze 2004, 30).
The above position is more real in the pastor’s children; and as such calls for prayers. The author, as noted before now, said, “women are made with a strength of a lion when it comes to fighting to recue their husband or children from danger” and that “some godly mothers follows their children about with their prayers for them” While “… men are too busy with less important things… feeding and clothing of the children more than training them as contain in both (Duet 6:4-6, Prov. 22:6). It is indeed the role of the mothers particularly in this context the pastors wives to pray for their children.
He puts forward the following prayer points:
That they may know Jesus Christ and his word intimately
That God may keep them from the world, from falling away, from Satan and from false teaching.
That they may constantly possess the full joy of Christ.
That they may be holy in thought deed and character.
That they may be one in purpose and fellowship, as demonstrated by Jesus and the father.
That they may lead others to Christ.
That they may persevere in the faith and finally be with Christ in heaven.
That they may constantly live in God’s love and presence.
(Ndubuezee 2004:31-32).
As she prays for the child, Bisi Chukwudili has added more prayer points for the children which includes, focus on God Himself…, Thank God for your child…,Intercede for the child…,Claim God’d Promises for the child (Chukwudili 2007, 4-5).
Before proceeding further, the researcher wants to pause at this point to made it known that, going by what Alban Douglass said, which goes thus, “almost all great men have been made great by one or two loving women –a godly mother or a devoted wife.” and base on the fact that she is the mother of the house, in addition to the fact that, every care that is given to the children as already noted above, the husband partakes in it, he, the husband also is her child. In another word, he is also her child-the first born of the family. (Alban 1991, 209).
In another dimension, the child of a pastor is to be disciplined. Justice Ogede James has advised the mothers by saying “Don’t over protect your children. Cooperate with your husband in discipline” (Ogede 2004, 27). Buttressing this position, Rev. Canon Paul O.Enwonwu in his book Mother and Child states:
Mother Role in the upbringing of a child is a responsibility that must be valued. These roles or duties must be handled faithfully because it involves the development of the mind and character. It is a great privilege for a disciplined child to bring hounour to the parents, but a child that lacks these training brings shame (Prov. 29:15 … but a child left to himself disgraces his mother”. The role of the mother to him is for the mother knows who her child is, thereafter; introduce the child to our Lord Jesus Christ… Pray that God will deal with his character so that he will live out the total life of Christ… Study the child… and mould the character of the child.” (Enwonwu 2010, 13-16,)
How ever, Dr Donovan Wilbur is of the opinion that, “parents must discipline their children in love, just as God disciplines us in Love. This is the father’s responsibility (Eph. 6:4, Heb.12:9)” (Wilbur 2000,283) .The Anglican Bishop of Idah Diocese, Rt. Rev. Joe Musa is also of the same view by saying …irresponsible father begets irresponsible children. .. He who has a father goes far…” (Musa 2010, 2). The immediate two quotations above did not aloud the father to sit on the fence as they too are charged at least by the authors, to be up and doing in training the children in the ways of God.
Still on the role of the mother, “An deal woman or mother does not depend on the husband. She works hard in helping the family by providing food for her household. (Pro. 31:14-15) she also provides clothing for her family: for it is the duty of parent to provide for their children.” ( Enwonwu 2010,, 13-16,26). This is true in this context because, the pastors in the scope of this long essay don’t earn much and if the responsibility of the upkeep of the family is left for the poor pastor alone, the wife will become a widow earlier than expected. By implication she could engage in some minor work to assist the husband. Ven Lade Omonije purported this in his book Church management and Administration. (Omonije 2001,39)
Mary Sumner, as noted by Ven Dr Lade Omonige in his Book Church Management and Administration, was such a woman who hated laziness this was why in 1876 when the Mother Union was born, she settled with “No grumbling is allowed in this house” as her motto. In 1885 when she was invited to talk on the activities of women and discover that many of the women were dosing, she said, “As wives and mothers we have great thing to do for our husband…” that same day she was made the president of mothers union and in two years had branches in seventeen dioceses. (Omonije 2000: 191). The researcher is of the opinion that, the pastors’ wives must not be lazy instead, they should put their God’s given talents into practices in order to better the homes and by so doing, they will be honoured pro. 18: 16. They must be a virtuous woman. Pro. 31:10ff
To this end, the role of the pastors’ wives as a mothers, is to care for their household- their biological/ spiritual children, physically, spiritually, educationally, psychologically, emotionally; by giving them food, clothing, nurse them, protect and counsels them, pray for them as well as teaching them the word of God.
AS GRAND MOTHER
The role of the Pastors’ wives as Grand mother is to the researcher that of being a role model to the women who are mothers of children and wives to their husbands. Ven J.D.Odigbo shares this same view when he says, “she should be a mother to the other women leaders like the Catechist or evangelists’ wives and also teachers’ wives in the parish and visit them and other church women periodically.” (Odigbo 2003,45).
Still in the same vain, Gyang has said “as a mother, her life and conduct should be an example to the flock. As a mother she should be an example to the younger women and teach them to love and submit to their husbands (Titus 2:35)” (Gyang 1999, 125). From the above, the pastor’s wives (Old women), has the role of teaching the mothers the way to live their in peace and loving/supporting their husbands in their various homes. The researcher sees the role of the pastors’ wives as grandmother to be that of making mothers/wives that is preparing them to be good mothers and wives in their various churches.
In another dimension, Lou Beardsley and Toni Spy in their book titled, the fulfilled woman share with their ready the response of a five years old boy of Lou that is one of the authors, when he was told that his grand mother had spoiled him; he response was “ that’s what Grandmas are” but contrarily to this, they said “… God has another special job for them, tool in Deuteronomy 6:2 we are encouraged to follow God and teach our sons and grand sons His way” they went on to say:
Grand children love to have Grandmas read to them, and the Christian bookstore is full of wonderful books about God, Jesus, Bible heroes with application for the children today…. They can talk to their Grandchildren about the Lord and show them by example how to live the Christian life. Grand parents have time to do many things that the parents are too busy to bother with. Grandmas doesn’t mind backing cookings and making a mess in the kitchen, and Grandpa will get out the tools and make something out of wood and patiently explain what he’s doing. (Lou and Tony, 1975).
The researcher sees the roles of the pastors wives again, as grandmother to be that of imparting the lives of her grandchildren (both biological/ spiritual) with the word of God-the Bible through teaching and practicing it. It is advised by the authors that, “children in a family must share their parent’s time, and it’s a special treat to be an only child for a day or so at Grandma’s house. This, the researcher believes will enable more attention for impartation on the word of God in the life of the child. So, the role of the pastor’s wife continues even when she is no longer having her own children with her as a result of the fact that, they have grown up or in higher institution of learning.
THE ROLE OF PASTORS WIVES IN THE CHURCH
The researcher observed from the first letter of Paul to Timothy chapter three that, while the qualifications/duties of a Pastor are state, not much is said about the wives of Pastors. It could be said that verse eleven which goes thus “in the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything,” (NIV) . This is explained in life application bible in this way, “Wives can refer to women helpers or deaconesses. It could also mean wives of deacons, or female leaders of the church (such as Phoebe, the deaconess mentioned in Romans 16:1). In either case, Paul expected the behavior of prominent women in the church to be just as responsible and blameless as that of prominent men.”
—Life Application Bible Notes.
This above quotation seems to the researcher an advising to the wives of pastors or women leaders in he church on the way they ought to live and not so much laying much responsibilities on them in the church as it is to their husbands the pastors. The implication of the above has brought a question to the mind of the researcher, is the wives of pastors called unto any duty in the church since there are no specific scriptural functions for them? There are diverse reactions to this question; HappyHo has this to say, “I view my role in the church as a church member and Christian. The things I do at the church and volunteer for are the same things I did/would do at a church where I'm not the pastor's wife. I also am a wife to my husband and support him in his ministry and in our marriage - just like any married couple should.” (WWW.sarahtent.com. Still in the same direction, Emilie Dana Bruell said “ a married woman finds her initial and primary uniqueness and success in the ministry to her husband and her,” ( Emilie 1990,158). By the above position, it appears the pastors’ wives could be said not to be having a specific call in the church. Contrary to this, Onwuka has said “…by the virtue of that marriage has not only been joined in the man as a lifetime partner, but is divinely called to partake in the ministry of the pastor.”( Onwuka 2005,75). Still on this Gotom Lami has also said that, “the pastor’s wife must see and take her marriage to the pastor as a called from God.” (Gotom 2009,89). The researcher agrees with the latter authors that is Onwuka and Gotom and as such, sees the duty of pastors’ wives in the church as that of a helper or assistance to their husbands. In another word, their husbands’ duties are theirs. The researcher is not satisfied with the fact that, their husband duties or functions is theirs because, according, Mrs Diane Omondi, in Church leaders’ challenge book 3, “ every believer is entrusted with spiritual gifts which he should use for serving the church of Jesus Christ…” (Church leaders Challenge 2003, 74). The above position in the researcher’s view has the pastors wives inclusive as part of those who are entrusted with gift with which to serve Christ in His Church. The researcher understood gift to also mean talents which according to Cosmas Ilechucku “are special innate skill and abilities God has implanted in every person to enable him fill his niche on earth…. He went on to say, “They foreshadow the functional relevance of an individual in the program of God…. God did not envisage life on earth as a spectator sport for any person….they are God’s way of ensuring that you are given a fair and valid opportunity to have a say in the eventual outcome of your life on earth.” (Ilechucku 2004,109). The researcher at this point may disagree with any one who will say because a woman is married to a pastor, she has nothing to contribute to her generation. Ruth A Tucker in her book Private lives of Pastors wives has asked a question in relation to the researchers view; can a woman continue to have a meaningful ministry of her own after she marries a pastor? This is a difficult issue, and many women who have served in missionary work or some other kind of ministry have suddenly found their gifts in public ministry stifled as soon as they were married” (Tucker 1998,131) “a talent is a terrible thing to waist” (Tucker 1998,176). Refusing to use one’s talent/potential will be a tragedy. Accoding to Myles Munroe, “ It is tragedy to know that with over five billion people on planet today, only a minute percentage will experience a significant fraction of their true potential. He went on to say, “your potential was not given for you to deposited in the grave. You must understand the tremendous potential you posses and committee your self to maximasing it in your short life time.” ( Munroe 2005,7). The researcher is not equating the wife of the pastor to assume an equal play ground with their husbands, instead, they she should work hand in hand with their husbands in using their own God’s gift. Gotom has put this right when she puts forward what was said by Barbara Green as quoted by Samuel Dali:
Every pastor’s wife may not be called to stand on the pulpit or take leadership position, but every pastor’s wife is called to stand with her husband. They may not do same work but as a fiting herlper, a suitable companion, she shares the pastoral burden, problem, suffering, stress, tention, shame, criticism, disgrace, persecution, frustration, and poverty involved in pastoral ministry as well as honour, respect and care befitting the reward of pastoral ministry together with her husband,( Gotom 2009, 90).
Odigbo has also states the fact that “she is thus an important member of the staff yet she has no definite status and does not ordinarily attend business meetings.” (Odigbo 2003, 46).
It must be noted that, several gifted women who were married in the Bible were graciously used of God such as Esther and Deborah, Elizabeth, Pricilla etc. it will be interesting to here what Abiodun Abosede Egbunu said concerning Deborah in her presidential address to the 2010 Diocesan women conference on the theme Awake Deborah Awake:
Deborah is a woman among men- brave, intelligent, trustworthy, sure of God’s word and confident of God’s presence. Deborah rules Israel under a Palm tree that bears her name. the Israelites bring all their dispute to her, but more than an arbitrator, Deborah is a conduit of God’s will for her people and God’s will is that they go into battle…..Deborah steps outside of that day’s common cultural position, for women are at home wearing Aprons. She prophesies when her peers are cooking meals. And she goes into battle hill other women stay at home with children,” (Egbunu 2010, 18).
It is not only in the biblical account but also in 17th century; great women were used by God. One of such was Lady Mary Jane Kinnaird (1816-1888). She worked as a missionary in India Calcutta
To this end, the pastors wives as some functions to perform in the church which has been put into three categories; Teacher, counselor, intercessor, and a helper. However, Pastor Mrs. Clara has said, “The woman cannot successfully operate in the ministry if she does not apply wisdom in issues that have to do with her home. You can not neglect your home and successfully carry out ministry. Get to understand the type of husband you have and operate with that knowledge to treat him kindly and respectfully” ( Akpam 2001,43). The researcher, wholeheartedly concurs with Pastor Mrs. Clara and see her position as a watch word for the pastors wives who want to exercise their role in the church.
2.2.1 AS TEACHER
Having a woman to teach as been a controversial issue right from the early days of the church. One passage that has been a point of reference to this is the first letter of Paul to the church at Corinth Chapter 14: 34-35 in the King James version of it “let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husband at home” (KJV). To compound the problem, the Greek word used for women here is “gune which means a wife and just any female.” (Mahoney 2002,84 section C9). This passage has been interpreted in diverse ways by several scholars including women. Among is Montgomery who view’s that when Paul wrote verse 36 and 37, he was challenging the teaching of the Corinthians and commanding them not to teach this. Paul was challenging the concept of women being kept silent,” she went on to back her self with verse 36 which goes thus: “what? Came the word of God out from you? or came it unto you only” verse 37, “ if any man think of himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord” Mahoney is of the opinion that, Paul is saying, “ do what I command you; do not teach wrong doctrine about women speaking in the church.” (Mahoney 2002, 86 section C9). Paul also wrote in his first letter to Timothy chapter 2:11,12, “ but I suffer not a woman to teach, nor usurp authority over the man; but to be in silence.”. the greek word according to Mahoney is didaskaleo, meaning to instruct or to teach doctrine.”Mahoney understood this to mean “women were not to established Doctrine- women were not authorized to establish the doctrinal standards. That was a function handled by the apostolic council (Act. 15)…. The apostolic councils set the doctrinal standards, and the women who ministered were to respect those and not teach to the contrary. This rule was not just for women, also men as well….2 Tim.2:17-18, Rev. 2:20,…” (Mahoney 2002,86 section C9). The researcher to this end, agrees with the author and as understood this passages to be cautioning the women not to establish another doctrine other than what has been already established; not to exercise authority over men instead, be submissive to their husband in all things and not necessarily command the women from speaking or teaching completely.
There are many teaching opportunities for the wives of the Pastor in the church and since the pulpit are not given to her, she according to John Onwuka:
The Pastors’ wife of the Pastor should look for the opportunities in the department of Christian Education. In the Sunday school department alone, there are several classes, ranging from children’s classes of different age group… the pastor’s wife should take advantage of any of these and utilize them to exercise her gifts and talent.” (Onwuka 2005, 85, 86).
The researcher sees the wife of the pastor as a good instrument in the Sunday school especially the children Sunday. This is because, not only that they are mothers, but because they “are effective with children” and “are young in heart. They know and identify with the age group they work with and generally enjoy life living” with this category of these people. (ETA 1992,66).
The role of pastors’ wives as teacher might not be complete without making reference to the letter of Paul to Titus 2:3-5 which say “ Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
6 Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; 7 in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, 8 sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.” (NASB). The researcher has deduce from the above passage, the role of the pastors’ wives to be, teaching the women on how to be a good and loving wife to their husbands and a good and caring mothers to their children. Mrs. Mary N. Kolo- Diocesan President of Mothers’Union and Women Guild of Kutigi Diocese shares this same position in her Women’s Guild Prayer, “ … Help us to keep the rules of the guild make us faithful wives and loving mother…”( Kolo 2008, 1). In a related development, Omonije sees the role of the pastors’ wives as a women leader whose duty it is to teach the women on how to govern their home” (Omonije 2001,40). Gotom has taken it further to say:
6 Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; 7 in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, 8 sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.” (NASB). The researcher has deduce from the above passage, the role of the pastors’ wives to be, teaching the women on how to be a good and loving wife to their husbands and a good and caring mothers to their children. Mrs. Mary N. Kolo- Diocesan President of Mothers’
She needs to identify areas of need and influence the church to plan programmes in such away that she too can teach either generally or to meet the needs of targeted group such as the youth, women ‘s fellowship, Boys’ Brigade, Girls Brigade, Sunday School, Bible study group and general Bible teaching. She teaches the word of God to children, Youth, Boys’ Brigade, Girls Brigade and the Sunday School to lay a solid foundation for to morrow… she teaches them to instill the fear of God in them so that they will grow to be useful people in the society as well as leaders of God’s Church.” (Gotom 2009, 110).
Onwuka appears to have states it clearly as it regards pastors’ wives ministry among the women; “the shepherdness has the responsibility to organize the women her husband’s local church into a formidable group of evangelical team… she could coordinate all the women in the assembly for the purpose of evangelism, or during women convocations, and for the seminar on spiritual growth.” (Onwuka 2005,86) The researcher agrees with author and sees teaching in the church as the greatest opportunity for the pastors’ wives to showcase their Gods’ given potential and talents especially in the women/children folds.
COUNSELLORS
John Onwuka has pointed out the fact that, “ there are several feminine needs that are better handled by either mothers or pastor’s wife in which women are more open to themselves, than to the pastor.” He mentioned such issues as:
Period of a woman ‘s menstruation, cases of painful and irregular menstruation, sexual difficulties, complications and changes in the body during the early stage of menopause, are few cases every woman would prefer sharing with another experienced woman ( preferably the pastor’s wife) than with another man” he went on to say the pastor’s wife should be not a novice in area pertaining pre-marital counseling in which she helps young ones intending to marry finds God’s will, and prepare for a full marriage.(Onwuka 2005,85).
Another area as to do with improprieties that usually happens when the pastor is engage in counseling a female individual. Ruth A. Tucker in her Book private lives of pastors’ wives shares a story from a article ‘New wires in April’of a pastor in California who confronted by his church authority on his irregularities with a married woman during counseling; in the opening of that article, it is title, “let’s Let Women Counsel Women” … the major premise of the article is summed up in one terse paragraph: the problem is obvious. Pastors according to her, “ are men. Their counselees are often women in distress.” According to the author as she noted “pastors have no business counseling women.” ..they advice: there is a vast army of godly women who could help pastors and help turn the tide of broken homes that is sweeping into the evangelical church” she did not stop here, instead made it know the fact that, such activities could be unfavorable to the pastor’s wife. She puts it this way “even when infidelity is not an issue in the pastoral counseling of women, it can cause problems in the pastor’s relationship with his wife and children.” She quoted Fraces Nordland who says “ it is difficult for a wife to observe her husband’s patience with others and then fail to see the same patience exercised in dealing with her and her children” (Tucker 1998,83). The researcher agrees with the above positions and sees the pastors’ wives as vital instruments in handling counseling that has to do with issues of privacy on the parts of women in the church where her husband serves. To be successful in this, Gotom has mentioned some key issues which the researcher understood to means guide lines:
Pastors wife’s as a counselor follows the guidance of the Holy Spirit who is the greatest counselor… she needs the skill of listening without becoming shocked at all sort of stories from women carrying the burden of broken homes, unstable marriages, poverty, ill-health, HIV&AIDS, persecution from in-laws, and reluctant children, among many problems” she went on to say, “ it is important that the pastor’s controls her tongue (James 3:5-6) and be a tight- lipped woman so that she keeps confidential everything that people bring to her for counseling and prayer. She must not betray the confidence reposed in her as the spiritual mother of the Church. ( Gotom 2009,111).
Still in the same direction, Robert Rasmussen in Church leaders’ challenge book one states:
If the person is not yet a Christian … then our first goal in counseling is to present the Gospel in a clear way and encourage them to join the family of God; until a person does that, we cannot offer them much real help than superficial counseling..” He stresses the need to fine out his or her relationship with God, with self, others and the circumstances. He advice the counselor to listen, Encourage communication, exposing false idea/s/ beliefs, and informing with truth, praying, writing, accountability …( Church leader Challenge 2003,124-130).
To this end, the role of the pastors’ wives as counselor is manly on issues surrounding the women fold in the church which are to some extent inimical to the pastors who is a men to handle. Their activeness in playing this role will go along way to help themselves and their families who will live to suffer the consequences in situations where their husbands’ fall into the danger of doing that which is better done by their wives. It must be noted that, this doest not mean the pastors can not handle some of these issues but it is better handle by a godly women who are no other persons in the researcher’s view than the wives of the pastors
INTERCESSORS
Onwuka John is of the opinion that, “every Pastor’s wife ought to be a woman of prayer…” he went on to say, “There are others that have special prayer ministry. They have extra abiding burden to pray. Some times, them feel like going without food in order to spend more time in prayer.” These categories of pastors’ wives according to him “are tremendous blessing and instrument for spiritual revival in the church if recognized and given opportunity to go the direction of the Spirit of God is leading her.” He mentioned as some of the areas she could function as by the researcher’s understanding; “She could initiate prayer meetings in which people bring their mountain of problems to God… the minister’s wife who get involved in this exercise is making great contribution to the spiritual development of the church.” (Onwuka 2005, 87, 88). The researcher sees the role of the pastors’ wives’ as intercessor to mean praying for the success of her husband’s ministry and as well as the spiritual wellbeing of the members whose burdens is her own burden by the virtue of her role as intercessor. In a related development, Gotom said, “the pastor’s wife is a woman of prayer. She prays for her husband’s well being and also for the ministry.” She quoted Stomie Omartan who prays “Lord I pray that you would bless the work of my husband’s hands. May his labour bring favour, success and prosperity and great fulfillment as well.” Just as it is noted earlier on under the role of pastor’s wife as wife, the pastor’s is a busy going about and have but a little time to pray. The same thing applies in this aspect- his ministry, hence Gotom went on to say, “ as the pastor goes about doing the work, the wife is busy praying for his success. The wife’s prayer is according to her, “like Aaron and Hur holding up Moses’ hand for Israel Israel
In another dimension, the researcher has drawn from Onwuka’s position that sees the pastor’s wife as instrument of revival through her prayer in the church that, a meaningful revival cannot take place in a church where the pastor’s wife is distant from her intercessory role. Mrs Sade Akani has been quoted earlier on to have said that, “the spirituality of the man is only sustain by the spirituality of the woman”… she went on to say that, “ no church can be more spiritual than the spirituality of the woman within her.” Such women in the researcher’s view must first be the wife of the pastor who is the first lady, Queen and the Mama of the Church. (Akani 2010, 96). This position became more convinced in the researcher’s view after she had read the story of the revival harvest in the United State that eventually swept across the British Isles, bringing Spiritual rebirth to Northan Ireland , Wales , Scotland , and finally England
All such widespread outpourings of the spirit have their beginning in a movement of prayer that is motivated, guided, and coordinated by the Holy Spirit. No human research can discover all the springs and steams of prayer that converge into such a mighty river of blessing. Prolonged and prevailing prayer has continued in many hearts, unseen by human eyes, but gathered into the current of the spirit’s preparation of the way of the Lord…” (Duewel 1995, 125).
So to this end, the researcher has understood that, the secret of any pastor/ church who is said to be witnessing revival is the wife of the pastor. The researcher wish to say “show me a revived pastor/church, and I will show who is wife is. She must be an intercessor.
AS HELPERS
Odigbo as noted the fact that, the clergy wife in the church is the number one “Lay helper.” He went on to say “ her influence in the church is inestimable and therefore she should be her husband’s thought and ideals, his hope and fear for the parish …” (Odigbo 2002,1). The position of the wife of the pastor as helper is very important. Hence, Mrs Ikupolati in her 2010 presidential address on the report of the clergy wives’s meeting gave the warning handed over to them by the facilitator as follows, “….we should refrain from giving false support, bad advice or I don’t care attitude to our husband’s calling, and the adage that says I am not the one they call you are the one …” (Ikupolati 2010, 12). The role of the pastor as a helper is first to work with him as team. Lorna Dobson has emphasis this by saying, “be a team… back your husband” which he said “does not mean that you have to wear a uniform and play on the field…” but it means “don’t be a cold and unresponsive wife to your husband…show an obvious affection and interest in all members... don’t cause strife among church people by talking about some others…” (Dobson 1995, 23, 24). Still on this, Tucker said, “what ever the ministry the particular function or the specific ministry the pastor’s wife fills, she has invariably found the most fulfillment when she and her husband are involves in true partnership” she went on to say, “in developing that partnership, it is necessary for the husband to recognize his wife’s gift and abilities…”. (Tucker 1988, 171). It is therefore, clear to the researcher from the above that, she could perform some ministry role including preacher if she is gifted to do and the church permits women ministration; but must be hand in hand with her husband. Part of her role in the church is to watch her husband as ‘watchdog’ “…this means that the pastor’s wife has the ministry of protecting her husband…,” from all vices in the church such as women. She has the role of observing her husband in his conduct in the church and after which she will counsel him on the way forward. (Onwuka 2005, 86). The wives could also help their husbands during sacramental services; “she could assist her husband during Churching of a woman and baptism of Lady Candidates.” (Alban 1999, 187).
THE ROLE OF PASTORS WIVES IN COMMUNITY
Samuel Sowale in his book titled a guild to pastoral offices said, “The fact that pastor works in a community makes him responsible to the need of the community. …it is the duty of the pastor to seek for the welfare of the people he ministers to. Apart from people who take social welfare as profession, these people are called social welfares; the pastor is seen as a social welfare of choice,” The reason according to him is that “God regards man as the steward of the universe. “He quoted from Gen. 1:28 to buttress his point. He said, “The pastor therefore has the task to show the community where he ministers how to take care of the environment in order to make it for a better society.” (Sowale 2001, 63). The researcher as come up with this above quotation base on the fact that, the minister is not in that community alone but with his wife; and if the above position is said to the pastor, the same the researcher views for the wife also. It has to be noted that, it is also a fact in this chapter has noted already above that, the pastor’s wife has a part to play in the church where her husband serves; and the same thing is applicable to the community where she leaves with her husband. However, Parker Maxey’s warning which any pastor must have in mind as he relates with the community must not be let aside. He said, “the primary purpose for the existence of the church and the life of a minster must be kept in mind when it comes to the matter of the public relationships… the church is that one instrument in a community to point men to a savior from sin, here and now, and lead them to a better and more noble life on earth an eternal life in heaven. ( Maxey 1990,233,234). Just as it was noted already, the pastor stays with his wife in the community and if this is the case, the role of the pastor deducing from the above will be that of reconciling the community to God. Explaining the ministry of reconciliation as taught by Paul, Alvin. D.Mattson said, “Paul sees the Christian gospel in terms of a reconciliation of the world to God, and this involves a sense of social responsibility. The Christian faith, in Paul’s conception, is more than a matter of individual salvation, or ecstatic feeling, or a rejoicing in the hope of a heaven after death. Paul’s hope involved the reconciliation of the world to God. (Mattson 1960,7,8). The researcher agrees with the above author and had understood that, the role of the pastor’s wife should not be limited only to the church but the community she resides with her husband until such community is won for the Lord. In addition to this, the researcher has also deduced from Alvin Mattson position to includes social services which to the researcher could involves; encouraging the youth forum and invite expertise to give talk on carries and basic require and qualification leading to their jobs opportunities, seminars on sex education, premarital counseling “ in our community majority of our young people suddenly find themselves as couples and parents without adequate preparation for them.” Health talk could be organized to take care of blood group, HIV/ AIDS test and sexually transmitted diseases. They could be encouraged to see the need for regular check up. (Sowale 2001, 64)
In another dimension, the pastor’s wife has spiritual roles to play in the community she resides and this includes; Visitation- The pastor’s wife is expected to visits the bereaved:
The members of her church, including the sick, the bereaved, the Orphans, the weak, the Old and the broken-hearted in order to encourage and comfort them from the word of God.” She went on to say,” her visitation is very important to the church because when she discovers and identifies areas that need the church’s attention she can inform her husband and the church elders to take action, Gotom 2009, 112).
However, Odigbo as advised that, during visitation:
… in a large town, it is not so simple , and therefore, some king of method and planning is essential. It is so easy to give too much attention to a set of people if there is no planning and thus falls in the danger of over visiting the sheep and neglecting the goat…” probably the best thing is to prepare a street book, one which street or quarter within the parish community may however a page or more and their names and addresses of the Christian in the streets or quarter listed. This may include the nature of each person employment and some indication as to the hour when they may be found at home.” (Odigbo 2003, 49).
The position of Odigbo is correct however, the researcher has observed some areas in this method of visitation that may not aloud it works as expected; it is possible some time that even when a street book is prepared, there are occasions where because of some peculiar happenings to a particular family on group of people, such as child birth, bereavement, accident etc., attention has to be paid to such categories of people at the expense of others. It is also possible for some members especially in our contemporary society where insecurity is the talk of the day and in the Lokoja (Scope of study) where some members have misunderstood pastoral visitation to mean begging for money or other material assistance and as such, they don’t give you the detail of their residence. So, the issue of having note book may not be too necessary in some occasions.
Evangelism is another aspect that was pointed out by Gotom states:
The pastor wife takes the gospel to the community by going from house-to- house to witness Christ to the people. She works with the women of her congregation going on outreach evangelism to unreached areas as she also networks with other Christian women organizations from other denominations to take the gospel to areas where Christ is not yet known… the role of pastors wives in the community and the society at large is very important, because it touches on all area of life.” (Grotom 2009, 113).
To this end, the role of the pastors wives in the community is both spiritual and social responsibility, and being diligent in doing this will not only draw many to Christ but will help her husband in his ministry in the church as she through visitation becomes her husband’s eye in the community.
2.3.1 AS CHRISTIAN EXAMPLE
The pastors’ wives in the community are to be light, salt and letters of commendation in the communities where they reside. Explaining the theme of his 2005 synod in his presidential address – be not conform but transform. Rom 12:2, Rt. Rev. Bright Joseph Egenasi Ogu writes:
We are often reminded that in this world, we are strangers. No matter what we do, we should realized that we shall leave this place for Heaven…the simple reason for this warning is that greater percentage of us are conforming into worldly standards in sin, shame and sodomy…we are persuaded that as we momentarily become conformed in such rituals, rites or practices secretly or openly, we expose our soul to spiritual bankruptcies and condemnation. Jesus Christ our Lord and Master charged us to be the light and salt of the earth. How can we shine or salty when we have conformed to be darkness or tasteless…” (Ogu 2005, 43-44).
In answering this question especially as it regards pastors’ wives, Bishop Caleb Maduoma quoted Christopher Dawson which say:
Every Christian is a seed of change so long as it is a living mind, not enervated by custom or ossified by prejudice. A Christian has only to be in order to change the world, for in that act of being, there is contained all thy mystery of the supernatural life. It is the function of the church to sow this divine seed, to produce not merely good men, but spiritual men- that is to say, supermen. In so far as the church fulfils this function it transmits to the energy. If the salt itself loses its savour, then the world sinks back into disorder and death.” He went to re-emphasis that, “… salt and light are descriptions of the character of the people of God living faithfully to the bible. We are light, we are salt…” (Maduoma 2007, 16, 18).
The above position is agreed by the researcher and as such sees the pastors’ wives as that women who must not conformed to the standard and dictates of the world or communities they found themselves instead, they should be as agents of change- seed of change which is the light and the salt in their various communities.
In a related development, Rt. Rev. Ken Okeke in his 2008 charge- The Kingdom people said, “kingdom citizens are to be salt and light.” The implications of the two words according to the Bishop are that, as salt, “Citizens of His Kingdom must be preservatives in the society wherever they are, preventing decay like good salt- but only if they live by the priorities and values of His Kingdom…” as light he said, “ …Citizens of the Kingdom were to stand out against the darkness in their environment ans societies as point of light, to enable people to find their way to the King…Citizens of the Kingdom cannot hide their light however puny they may think it is. They must always shine out for the King, so that people may see their good works and glorify their father in Heaven….” (Okeke 2008, 29-30)
He added that, Citizen of the kingdom are Ambassadors for the Kingdom – this he said, “… citizen of the Kingdom must ensure that they know all about their Kingdom and their King by dutifully studying the Kingdom manual (bible) and dutifully keeping in touch with the King (through prayer) to ensure that they know the King’s mind on every issue that may arise. They must be disciplined as soldiers and live lives of integrity free of worldly entanglements (2 Tim 2:3-4), so as not to embarrass their country. Just as good ambassador would guard against any ideologies that would be injurious to the cause of the country, citizens of the Kingdom would protect themselves against false doctrine that would damage the cause of King and the country.” (Okeke 2008, 32) .
The researcher from Okeke position sees the pastors’ wives as Kingdom people who are Christ representatives (Ambassador) in their various communities charged with responsibility of preserving the decayed community as the salt and show the people in the communities the way to the King- Jesus as the light.
To this end, just as the Corinthians church in 2 Cor. 3:2-3 sees the Corinthians church as epistle of commendation as explain by Rt. Rev. S.O.Oke in his 2003 Bishop’s Charge that,
...they were a good testimonial for him that God was him of truth and that he was sent by Him- Jesus” the researcher is of the view that, faithfulness on the part of he pastors’ wives in keeping to the above points that is not conforming to the world, salt, light and ambassador of Christ, will automatically earn a good commendation not only for Christ but for their husband and the entire church where they serve. (Oke 2003,5)
The pastors’ wives as example in the community are seed of change who are conform to the dictates of the communities they found themselves but transform the them as the light, salt, letters and Christ ambassadors.
2.4 CHALLENGIES OF PASTORS WIVES
The challenges of pastors’ wives can never be overemphasis, Ruth A Tucker has said, “ being a pastor’s wife is the most hazardous and dangerous occupation a woman can have, and only the best adjusted emotionally, those who have had full love and security in childhood, and who are thick-skinned will ever come through the experience emotionally and mentally unscarred,” she went further to say, “ no one in the congregation is subjected to more stringent criticism than the pastor’s wife,” she quoted Lora Lee Parrott who said, “ she may be criticized for what she has done, or for what she has not done, or what she could have done. Not only is she criticized for what she does but for what her husband does, or her children. She will be criticized if she assists her husband too much in the parish work, or criticized if she does not do enough.” The author in the researcher’s view is correct and as such sees the challenges of the pastors’ wives to be enormous and can never be over emphasis.
The second and most difficult as she pointed out is that:
Laymen have a standard of perfection for the pastor’s wife, in their eyes; she must be neat, wise, happy, frugal, deft, strong, famine, and spiritual. ... Others have a stereotypical image of how the pastor’s wife should look and act… many others also; expect a minister’s wife to be a great cook too-not elaborate ingredients and lavish dishes kind of cook, but the kind of cook who can turn out pure country gourmet on a shoestring….” (Tucker 1988, 47, 73-74).
The researcher sees these multiple problems to be that of people expectation on her. Lorna Dobson has also made it clearly known that, “everyone has some idea (usually a different one) of how the minister’s spouse ought to behave and be in the parish. Clergy spouses face these projections all the time.”( Lorna 1999 515-16). Gotom has taken it further that, “ …Most people expect the pastor’s wife to be more mature spiritually than the average woman in the church. Despite her some times younger age, they call her our Mother…. The people expect her to know everything concerning the bible, just as biological children look unto their parents, expecting them to know everything. (Gotom 2009, 115)
Other challenges in her submission include “how to financially maintain her family and raise children, especially concerning their education, medication and feeding with the low salary of the pastor; …how to cope with loneliness because her husband is always preoccupied with members’ needs and still maintain an ideal marriage of togetherness when the church, which is the extended family, takes away most of his time and attention.”
Not only this, from the questionnaires distributed out to pastors’ on the challenges and obstacles they face while in the ministry was also put forward by Gotom and some of their responses as to do with the fact that; “…people and society today think that pastors have gone into the ministry for material gain and not to do the actual work of God; therefore the challenge for her is how to convince and prove that their own is a genuine cal”
Added to this is that“…people, especially men, do not take women’s ministry seriously and that is why pastors’ wives are not given their rightful place to participate in the ministerial work as co.-workers with their husbands.” …again,”…some cultural practices and the custom of men looking down on women are found in the church.” As if this is enough, “because her husband work involves a lot of travelling, taking vital decisions alone is a big challenge to her. In addition, “ the church leaders have not define her role in the church officially and that is an obstacle and challenge to her” this is because, if she attempts embarking on any church work, they will misunderstood her by saying “ she is “ exceeding her boundary;” there is also, “ lack of regular payment of salary which has causes undue hardship and ineffectiveness to the work of the Gospel… they sometime see them as “ beggars” along with the fact that there is “ frequent transfer and difficulties of adjustment…” together with “ …undue pressure from her superior.” In the Anglican setup, the Bishop’s wife or Mama Bishop’s who some times place unimaginable and unachievable demands on the priest wives under her; especially in the area of contributions from the parishes to the mothers’ Union and Women Guild headquarter, without knowing the fact that, just as she is not on salary from the Diocese, they too are not on salary from the parish. They expect pastors wives to welcome and entertain visitors forgetting that, “there is no remuneration” her; and if she fails to do this, they will say “…pastor’s wife does not welcome and treat guests who come to the pastor’s house well.” Worst still is not even when her husband is a life, “ but if her husband dies before her there will be the challenge of looking for where she and the children will stay and also that she will no longer be given any chance to participate in the church...” (Gotom 2009,115-120)
What then are the implications of the above mentioned?
The researcher envisages discourage for the pastors’ wives in these conditions. The following position was obtained by the researcher from the net and sees it to be appropriate for the implication of the challenges faced by the pastors’ wives:
Upward of 80% of pastors' wives feel somewhat left out by their mate and unappreciated by the church. They often feel overworked, unloved and underpaid… Over 80% of pastors' wives feel unqualified and discouraged about their position. When they experience the expectations of the church they may feel totally unprepared to fulfill the responsibilities thrust upon them. Some wives simply decide they will stay home, away from the eyes of the church, or seek a job out side of the ministry in order to be themselves, out of the critical view of the brethren. Discouragement and burnout happen to pastors' wives just as to pastors themselves.” (www.AllAboutGOD.com.)
For the Pastors’ wives who are not education both in the secular and theological, Gotom as added that, “ she feels inferior and inadequate to stand before the complex and highly- educated members of the congregation. She wonders what she would give the people. And the painful reality as she noted is that, “the blind cannot lead the blind because they will both fall into a ditch.” (Gotom 2009,116)
SUMMARY
The researcher was able to go through several authors’’ opinion on the roles of pastors’ wives and from all the literatures, both published and unpolished; the role of the pastors’ wives starts from their home being the queens or the pastors of the houses having their families as their first congregations, by loving and caring for their husbands and giving a helping hands in all they (husbands) do and also loving and caring for both their children (Biological/spiritual), including visitors; physically through feeding, nursing them health wise, spiritually through prayer and teaching them of the word of God; educationally by sending them to socially by protecting them from danger
This is followed by their assistance to their husbands as a co- or team workers with their husbands and the women leader in the church; by teaching, praying and counseling. They are example in the community as the seeds of change by being the salt, light, letter or Epistle, ambassador of Christ who must not conformed to the dictate of the world. These roles have their challenges too numerous such as criticism, high expectation on her from the congregation and undue pressure from their superiors, (the Bishops’ , General Overseers, Supretendencies’ Wives); not being recognized by the members of the church , low and unstable income as well as abandonment after the death of their husbands. In all the challenges, they must discover who they are and their gifts/talents, and by faith, rejoice over their weaknesses and let God leads the ways ahead of them.
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