COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE LIFE

ARE WE COMPATIBLE?

“And the Lord said, it is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a help suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18)

The compatible issues is not man-made but was initiated by God himself. It is not every man that is suitable for a particular woman just the same way it is not every woman that will suit a particular man.

So, it will be fool hardy for any lady to wish she is the wife of a particular married man simply because he is highly placed, influential or financially comfortable. You may not be able to live comfortably a whole day with such personalities. This is why the subject of compatibility is so crucial to the success of marriage or relationship.

What is Compatibility? The Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines compatibility as the ability of people to live together without problems because they have similar ideas, ideologies, interests etc.

From the above definition, two people can only be said to be compatibility if they can live together without problems. We are created individually and uniquely. Psalm 139:14 says, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...” No two men are the same. Same way, no two women are the same. So to know who will be suitable for you, you must know yourself. The question is, “how much of yourself do you know?”

The man that will marry someone suitable for him must himself. To know yourself, answer the following questions:

Who am I?

What is my temperament?

What are my strengths?

What are my weaknesses?

What are my likes?

What are my dislikes?

You will notice that there are individuals around you that you keep wondering how their spouse can live with them. If such individuals live with their spouse without conflicts, then you have seen two people who are suitable for each other.

This should give hope to certain people who feel that no one will marry them because of one inadequacy or the other. While I am not here encouraging anyone not to work on their weaknesses, at the same time I believe that none of us will live without a weakness while we still live within this flesh.

I want you to therefore understand that someone will be better suited to bear with your weakness than another.

CLASSES OF COMPATIBILITY

There are different classes of compatibility

1.      Physical compatibility

2.      Emotional compatibility

3.      Mental compatibility

4.      Professional compatibility

5.      Biological compatibility

6.      Social compatibility

7.      Spiritual compatibility

PHYSICAL COMPATIBILITY

Each of us has our preference when it comes to the physical look of a prospective partner. There is what a particular individual is looking for a spouse. They range from height, size, complexion, build etc.

For instance, a short person may decide that he will marry a short lady. For such, a short person is physically incompatible with him. There is no so much preaching we can do to convince someone like that since they will be the ones to live with their choice.

The decision of how beautiful or handsome our partner will be is personal to us.

The physical look is personal choice.

There is a very good example in scripture that gives credence to what I am saying here.

In Genesis 29:16-18, Jacob came to his uncle Laban in Padanaram. His uncle had two daughters-Leah and Rachel. The scripture described the physical look of these young ladies. Leah was tender eyed (young looking). She perhaps looked younger than her sister and even than her age. But Rachel was described as beautiful and well favoured. Jacob chose to love Rachel.

Let’s look at that in the Bible for emphasis:

“And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. And Jacob loved Rachel...” (Gen. 29:16-18)

From the above, that was Jacob’s choice which he was entitled to. Another man might have preferred Leah. God is not in any way against your marrying a beautiful woman or a handsome man.

Hear this, there is nothing carnal as far as your choice, based on the physical appearance of a person is concerned so long as you are not overlooking the spiritual compatibility. Scripture is full of description of physical looks of people both men and women.

So, choose a partner that is physically compatible with you.

EMOTIONAL COMPATIBILITY

Individuals differ in their emotions. Some are stronger emotionally than some others.

Some people are emotionally strong while some are emotionally weak. It is good for every individual o look for someone who will complement him emotionally. For this to happen, you must know how emotionally strong you are. Can you imagine a husband and wife weeping at the same time because things didn’t turn out as planned? Who will console them; their children?

You and your partner must complement each other emotionally.

Imagine two sexually weak individuals coming together as partners. It is good to be catastrophic. Make it a point of duty to ascertain emotional compatibility with your partner. It will do you a world of good.

MENTAL COMPATIBILITY

There are certain people who desire individuals that can challenge them mentally. Two individuals must be close to each other mentally to enjoy relationship. When two individuals are close to each other mentally, their discourse will be interesting as there will be understanding. Academic attainment plays a good part in our mental development, so the disparity in the qualification of partners should not be too wide. This is not to say that anyone who is less qualified academically will be less mentally sound. But ensure that you and your partner can reason together.

PROFESSIONAL COMPATIBILITY

Your works must complement each other. Two engineers who marry and are both working on the rig, may not be able to build a sweet home together. So, you must ensure that your jobs and your partner’s are not both highly demanding. Two doctors who meet and desire to marry must quickly decide whether one of them will go into private practice, else they are not compatible. Wisdom is required here.

BIOLOGICAL COMPATIBILITY

It is important for two people to know their genotype before their relationship goes too far. Know your genotype and know your partner‘s to know f you are biologically compatible. Two people whose genotypes are AS are advised to reconsider their relationship. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

SPIRITUAL COMPATIBILITY

“Be ye not unequally yoked with unbeliever...” (2 Cor. 6: 14-16) Two people who want to enter into relationship must be spiritually compatible. You must share the same faith. It will interest you  to know that other faith teaches the same thing.

For instance, for a Muslim, you are an unbeliever. So, for a Christian to date a Muslim, it is simply an issue of two unbelievers dating.

One of the core reasons you must share the same faith with a partner is so that you will have basis to resolve conflicts if there is any.

I want to even advise you to ensure you and your partner is not just of the same faith but be feeding from the same pasture if possible. It will do your family great good. Compatibility also means the ability of two people or things to be used together. So, can God use you and your partner together? Can he send you on missions? This is a good question that you and your partner should answer.

SOCIAL COMPATIBILITY

Your ideas, ideologies and aspirations must align. You must agree with your partner as far as your relationship with extended family is concerned.

You must share the same passion when it comes to helping the needy and the underprivileged.

It is important for you to know that what a millionaire wants from a mate may not be what you need. A millionaire may want a housewife but you that have just graduated from school or have just got your first job will need someone to work and support you in the family. So, for the millionaire, a housewife may be compatible but not for you.

Let me tell you friend that you will need to be close to God to link up with a compatible mate. He has made for you a help suitable for you. Locate him or her by being close to the Maker.

My Bible says, “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD” (Prov.  19:14 Emphasis mine)

A prudent and understanding wife can only come from God and God alone. So trust Him to link you up. You have your choice to make as far as the physical look and other things are concerned, but subject your choice to God.

Let me show you something before I conclude this teaching; in 1 Sam. 16:7, the Bible says, countenance, or on the height of his stature, because I have refused him: for the LORD sees not as man sees: for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

From the above scripture, you can see the need to subject your choice to God. May you not marry someone whom God had rejected.

“...look not on his countenance or on the height of his stature...”

There is nothing wrong with desiring someone tall and lanky; slim and beautiful; plump, well rounded and good looking; provided it is God’s choice for you and not a reject. Finally, you can measure the level of compatibility of your relationship by how infrequency and your partner have unresolved conflicts.

It shall be well with you. I wish you marital peace.